Comfortably Single vs Desperately Dating

It is often wondered just why I am still single.  People that truly care about me will ask me why, when I am so deserving of someone, am I alone?  Earlier today my choice to not date was put into question by a complete stranger and it made me stop and think……why don’t I date?  Why am I alone?

I was upset by this stranger, momentarily.  The idea that someone, who knows nothing about me, could challenge my lifestyle choice as though they somehow knew something I didn’t, was a bit too presumptious for my liking.  I don’t date because I don’t believe in it.  It’s just another Americanism, embraced by the U.K. and it doesn’t suit everyone; least of all me.

I once relented and agreed to a date.  Worst date in the history of all dates, as it transpired.  I won’t detail the quite unimaginable eye opening scenarios that unfolded but, suffice to say if there was ever a book on dating etiquette, she most certainly would’ve only used it to prop up a wonky table leg.  Ultimately it confirmed to me why I don’t like dates.  As a good friend recently said, “Dating is a strange creation.  Putting two people in a situation they can, usually, ill afford; in a town one of them doesn’t know; acting totally unnaturally.”  This is a sentiment I wholeheartedly agree with.  What on Earth is the point?  I understand it from an entertainment point of view; it certainly does provide some eccentric stories to relay around the dinner table; but other than that, I see no benefit.

I am a traditionalist and I make no apologies for it.  With my own experiences in love and loss, I am now at a point where I am perfectly comfortable alone.  I really never thought I’d say that.  I believe in love; I believe in real, true, lasting and fated love.  I believe that all love is predestined; and I believe that there is someone out there for me who will become the love of my life.  I have yet to meet her.  Why settle for anything less in the meantime?

Being asked, “Why are you still single?” isn’t a reflection on me; it’s more a reflection of the people currently in my life; or, to be more accurate, the lack of anyone ‘special’ in my life.  I am single, because my heart doesn’t, currently, desire anyone that I could actually have a relationship with.  When the time comes, I meet someone and that spark happens…..that is when I’ll pursue it.  That is when my ticker will kick in and I’ll have an interest in someone again.

I don’t believe that I would find my ‘one’ from dating.  And, truly, with so, so many people in the world finding The One is almost impossible.  You know what they say……’stop looking and you will find it.’  Love, real love, will find us, all in good time.



And Now…We Go Here…

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So, you finally find yourself emotionally balanced, after the most recent of life’s upheavals, and you start to think about rejoining the rat race, of getting your life back on track.  You’ve ditched the old you; the old life; the career; the baggage, and you stand, facing an open road; turns to the left of you, turns to the right, and here you are stuck in the middle, with me.  What happens now?

If you are lucky there is already something you fancy trying or becoming and, in which case, your path will be clearly sign-posted.

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For some of us our sign-posts are not so helpful.

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I don’t believe in going backwards in any respect; be it a job, a relationship, a home; you can never recapture what has been lost.  I have known friends that have forgiven betrayal and returned to their partners.  I have a friend who believed that returning to a home in which her and her partner enjoyed their happiest times, would reignite their failing relationship.  I have known someone to return to a job because it felt safe, one that they had previously left because it made them miserable.  In each case, none of them had success.  The relationships still broke down and ended; the work still brought misery.

Every dawn brings change, seen or unseen; experiences further define us.  Even these words I write are moulding my character as I type; I am different now because of my own musings than I was when I sat to begin writing this a few minutes ago. We cannot undo what has been done, said or thought, we can only absorb these changes, regroup, and move forward.

So we’ve ruled out one potential direction; this is, at least, good start!  We know, no matter what happens, in whichever direction we travel from here, changes lie ahead.  <sigh>  Where do we begin though?

In truth I think all of us have an inkling of what we were put on this Earth to do.  I believe we all have a purpose; be it a particular vocation; to be a good partner; a life saver; a parent; we all have our roles.  For some it is mapped out so clearly, for others it’s a battle of questions, uncertainty and of self doubt; but not forever.   Never be too quick to declare your unhappiness at life whenever a negative event unfurls; it all happens for a reason.

The glorious effect of time rewards us with clarity; the more patience you have, the sooner it seems that you arrive on the road you were destined for.  All the experiences you have had, regardless of how tragically painful, or inexplicably beautiful, will have provided you with the tools to fulfil your destiny.  If you just give it enough time the right path will lay itself out before you, ready for your first step towards your fate.

Have faith!

JG 10.11.13