I have many thoughts when it comes to love…..the beauty of it, the pain of it, the ownership of it, the loss of it, the want of it, and so on; as I am quite sure I’ve mentioned before…… There is no doubt that true love is amazing and what we all want to find; but what if our expectations of a person never match up to the ideal in our heads? Do we forever strive to find a love that may only exist in our imagination? Do we submit to settling for someone we love, but who may not fulfil our deepest desires? Or do we just stay single?
I am big on equalities in life and I think it’s even more important to be equals in a relationship in many respects; mostly with regard to attitude, consideration, loyalty, thoughtfulness, helpfulness and a capacity to love. I know precisely what I have to offer a person; and it’s the kind of deep love and loyalty that you just don’t see these days. And, although, I may wish for a true love to come my way; I realise it may not even exist.
Yet I do wonder if infact it’s me that is not right for a relationship. Maybe, after everything; after all the hurt, the pain, the broken hearts, the failure to be given a true love; maybe the reason for all of this is that I am meant to be alone. There is no doubt that I have a lot of love to give; but there is immense doubt as to whether somebody exists who can return as much love; or even, if I am capable of receiving it. What if I convince myself that my own flaws are enough to prevent me inflicting myself upon a poor, unsuspecting soul?! What if, I am not enough for the kind of love I dream about?
Love is wonderful, but I think I may just have to admire it from afar. It will take someone particularly incredible to turn my head and, at the moment, I know I’m not enough for her; I’m not woman enough to have her heart; I’m not accomplished enough; I’m not physically acceptable enough and I wouldn’t even say I’m emotionally mature enough;………………but I’m working on it!
So, to the love of my life, wherever she may be………….bear with. Bear with.