Lovey Dovey, Lovey Dovey, Lovey Dovey, All The Time?

They say it’s better to be alone than in a bad or lonely relationship.  I have had this ‘reassurance’ advised by many in recent months.  Although it is true, I can’t help but roll my eyes at the exhaustion caused by hearing these attempts at comforting one’s bruised ego.  I mean no disrespect to the friendly well-wishes; it’s no different from the predictory advise I would give. But the only thought that immediately crosses my mind is, ‘but it’s better to be in a good, loving relationship than to be alone.’

Life, to me, is about sharing.  What is the point in embarking on this ‘journey’ if it has to be done alone?  What is the point in being well-loved by many but have no-one by your side?  What is the point of having wonderful people, friends and family around you; a good, honest, decent lifestyle; of having so very much love in you, when you don’t have ‘the one’ to share it with?  These are all things to be enjoyed by oneself, to be thankful for, but to share is to complete the package, unite it all.

Love is an amazing gift, all too easily abused and disrespected by many.  An all-encompassing, enriching, completing emotion reduced, by some, to a simple word and used to manipulate others into satisfying their own selfish needs.  Quite abominable.  There is an almost daily gut-wrenching twist from within me; a lamenting ache in the knowledge that my capacity to express my love remains unfulfilled, try as I have.  This is not to suggest that I have not loved my exes above and beyond…if I hadn’t I wouldn’t have been with them, but as both failed, it almost certainly proves that there should be hope for another.

It would be all too easy to be with someone for the sake of it.  They may not be beating down my door, but I am not without occasional interest.  If I were a less secure, needy individual, inconsiderate of someone else’s affections then I would decide to go to these rarities and dabble at an alliance…..(note the distinct lack of romance there) but I am not needy, I am nowhere near as insecure as I tell myself and I, most certainly, am not inconsiderate of someone else’s affections.  In fact, I am probably overly considerate at times.  The last thing I would ever want is to be seen to encourage the feelings of another, by dating for example, only to realise somewhere down the line that I have no desire to pursue them, thus potentially letting them down and causing unnecessary hurt.  This isn’t a big-headed assumption that the poor woman would inevitably fall for me, merely a potential circumstance.  Having been so let down in matters of the heart myself, I have always attempted, as diplomatically as I can, to dissuade any interest when I know there is no spark in me for that person.

All that this chivalrous, gentlewomanly approach to love means is that I remain incomplete and unattached, albeit for the right reasons, until such time that my fires are re-ignited; should I ever be blessed again.  So yes, well wishers, it is far better to be alone than in a lonely or loveless relationship – but give me an honest, loving shared path upon which to tread any day of the week; it beats singledom hands down.  In the meantime, I keep my dignity intact and my love a precious commodity, belonging only a special few.

JG  15.11.13

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2 thoughts on “Lovey Dovey, Lovey Dovey, Lovey Dovey, All The Time?

  1. I agree to an extent .. not completely though (Im like that!) … I have a very complete life .. I maybe single but my life is great! .. I was not complete in previous relationships … but I am now. Do I need a partner in my life – No. Would I like a partner in my life – Yes. BUT like you it has to be right .. I do not want someone who needs me .. someone who relies on me to make them happy … that is too much of a responsibility and will only end in disappointment. I want someone who wants me, Just me. For all my faults and imperfections. I want to light up someone’s heart. Until then … or if not ever, I will enjoy my own special wee life.

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    • I think there’s a misconception as to my levels of happiness. I can be happy at times…..I can do things in life, without company, and enjoy myself…..but if there is no importance placed upon our relationships, then what is the point of wanting someone? If a person is so complete and happy alone then how is love ever going to enhance their lives? And surely, that just means that you don’t need that person to exist in your world……and a truly loved person should feel needed…

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