We are all aware that no matter what you do, you cannot change another person. You cannot mould them into being better; to being more your type; to seeing things your way or to liking the things that you like. You can try to encourage, support, make suggestions, but each of us marches to our own drum. We will not be changed. Yet, how true is this really?
Love, one would think, is the most powerful motivator for change. Unless you are extremely fortunate and find yourself in love with the most perfect person for you, when we fall in love we automatically try to fall in line, to reach a common ground; to become that perfect partner. If you are anything like me, you take a step back, observe, learn what you can (and can’t) get away with and then behave accordingly. A totally incorrect way to be I hear you bellow at the device you are reading this on, and quite correct you are. It is natural to adapt yourself to any environment and even to any person, but not to the point where you forget yourself; or deny yourself the right to be true to yourself.
Worse still, it is sad when you both try to adapt to better suit eachother, because eventually it will fail, it’s inevitable. Being someone you inherently aren’t is something which cannot be persevered at, and why should it? This is when love simply isn’t enough, which is quite possibly the most tragic circumstance to find yourself in; especially if, like me, real love is felt so very rarely; thus dooming me into more years of loneliness, waiting for a love that may never come.
“If you love them, let them go,” has never been more poignant to me. My ex and I had to let eachother go as we had stopped making eachother happy. Our vastly different lifestyles bent and buckled under the weight of relentless compromise, on both sides, until our hearts broke to part, as much as they broke to stay. A devastating situation to come to terms with, then and now.
However we all have an impact on those around us, so we do in effect change others, but the obvious changes we try to impress upon them are pointlessly futile. If I ever find myself falling for someone whom I think needs to change, or who I need to change myself for in order for either of us to be happy, I will walk away before any damage is done. I hope.